QUESTION:
“Today I can rule the world” as I have just “met” a man via the Kingdom of Hearts. This “meeting” is virtual as he lives in another country to me. The feelings of curiosity and excitement are mutual and …sexy. I have been rather shy around talking about sexuality, in and out of a man’s bed. Now I find myself with little choice but to face my shyness and talk sex with a man I do not “know” – yet desperately want to “know” in the Biblical sense of “know”J Some tips on phone sex please!
DR. EVE ANSWERS:
Think about how you would manage a real life relationship. I guess you would feel nervous about meeting, feel relieved that you actually like the guy and the guy then reciprocates your liking by inviting you out again. Bingo! You’re in business. Then begins the sexual decision making – when should I make the move, he thinks; when should I respond, she thinks. And then it all happens spontaneously, no planning, no protection and nobody knows their own or each other’s status’s – and in the morning you wake up and wonder what just happened..
Long distance getting to “know” each other certainly brings its own challenges . But it also brings opportunity for unique sexual play. It is not so threatening, so risky, so scary to write and text sexy thoughts, feelings or MSM pictures of yourself. The risks are less as the person is really only a click away, you haven’t met and you can get out of an uncomfortable situation easier- especially having Kate along side you to mediate if the going gets tough.
This form of communication allows a lot of free self expression, a sense of liberty to let it all out- your fantasies, desires, arousals. However you do want to begin slowly and get a sense of this man’s sexuality or rather his values around sexuality. He may be
conservative in his sexual outlook, he may be judgemental. You will pick this up from general conversation with him. Or he may be too sexual too quickly with you which may leave you feeling uncomfortable. And of course this is when technological communication works for you as it may be easier for you to say No, I don’t like this. However this is what I do like… from a distance. This is a great time to share not only fantasies but also sexual “rules”. Which of course can all be broken under the right circumstancesJ
AS I say begin slowly, feeling your way around him, seeing how safe and uncomfortable you feel exposing yourself to him. How respectful is he to you when you do expose your sexual thoughts, feelings, even pictures? As you feel more comfortable surely you will feel brave and bold enough to push your own envelope. Talk about what you imagine doing to him and vice versa. If you feel short on ideas I suggest you watch some educational and sexy pornography. I have a great selection on my site : www.dreve.co.za
I urge you not to over promise him as in “yes I love anal sex”, when in fact you have no idea how you feel about anal sex . You set him up for expectations and you for performance pressure.
Phone sex can be addictive or terribly boring and anything inbetween. Find your own form of sexual communication that works for you- and remember to insist on the safer sex matters before you meet so this is a done deal. Have funJ
