Dear Dr. Eve, even when we're communicating well in other areas, my partner and I often get bogged down when it comes to talking about sex. I often feel we have very different expectations in this area.
DR. EVE ANSWERS:
Let me tell you a secret, a universal secret: people cannot talk about sexuality. If we could we would not have a HIV/AIDS epidemic as people would ask without fear, to use condoms. If we spoke, women would reliably have orgasms and men would not have performance anxiety. Women would not fall pregnant unintentionally and men would know when they were raping a woman/man.
But truth is we don’t talk about sexuality cos we don’t have a language that is comfortable for us and common to two people.
Aah the story of expectations.. why have them? They cause trouble. I want you to consider what your expectations are. Go on, write them down and get your partner to write down his/hers. I bet they will both be traditional in terms of what man/woman is supposed to want, and filled with what you think each other wants rather than what you really want. Stop being polite and write – it will be an interesting experience for you and a wonderful way to spend time: both of you sharing your lists of expectations. May you both be filled with surprises for each otherJ
